So, it's come to my attention that after having a daughter, I am slowly beginning the transformation into my mother. Before my mother reads this and starts to ask me why that's a bad thing, I'm here to tell you two things:
1. It is the most awesome thing.
My mother is a dynamo. She raised two kids (3 if you count the living rot that is my father) by herself, made sure the bills got paid (even if it meant eating pb&j for a few weeks), and was the most creatively encouraging person you'll ever encounter. She's crazy (the fun kind you invite to parties, not the kind you have escorted out of the party by the cops). She is outspoken. She is a free spirit. She is kind of a nerd. She is all of the best parts of my personality. I aspire to be her, along with all of the women who raised her, and the women who raised the women who raised her.
2. It is the most terrifying thing.
In most cases, I would not mind becoming my mother. She works her ass off and still assumes she's lazy. She's the reason all of the free samples keep showing up at my house. She has put up with my angtsy teenage crap, and then my sister's shortly after (Sorry, sissy! I still love you!). The reason it's terrifying is because it is inevitable, and the unknown fact of how much of her will be passed on to me...and if that means I will no longer be my own person.
One thing is certain: raising a nine month-old on my own is both the most difficult and most rewarding thing in my life. It's like falling in love with a new person every month, because she changes so drastically - like a little human roller coaster. As she changes, so do I. I gain (and lose) a new level of patience with each day. I learn how to teach my boyfriend how to parent, even though I'm still winging it. I learn to let. shit. go. I'm really proud of how far I've gone from the day she was born until now...and I'm really proud of turning into my mother. Now, if I could only figure out how her cookies are so perfect...
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